Back Again

I haven't been here in awhile.
A really long while and I need a break, so here I am in my garden.

There are three me's.
Which can be tiresome.
Very.

I have other blogs.
One is funny. It is my work/friend self. It is what a lot of outsiders see of me.
The other is the family self. Pictures of my family and generic everyday stuff. The things that my family and close friends see and know.

The last is here.
This is the inner me.
My own space.
Where I can be alone and ponder.

These three parts are all separate, just one big mash.
I do know that each part needs its space.

The inner me gets the least amount of time.
I also suffer when the 'me' gets little time.
Me is what keeps me sane.
Me keeps me balanced

I need Me.
I don't know if Me needs me though.

Regrets

Have any secret regrets?

I do.
More than one.
But one that bugs me to no end.

Her initials were LM.
She taught me a lot of things.
I treated her pretty poorly.

Things probably could have been much much different.
I was too stupid.
I was too scared.

There are a lot of times when I miss her.
Not just her, but all about her.

I wish I could talk to her sometimes
See her.

Just to know she is happy

Break is over

I am back.
Took a week off.

Mostly for the worst.

I am probably going to fess up a bit more about my secret crush.
Sometimes it can be down right difficult

Hard
Seriously hard

to deal with

Salty Dog

1. Salt the rim of a nice glass. Just like a margarita
2. Pour in a shot of vodka
3. Fill the rest of the glass with fresh grapefruit juice.
4. Enjoy

I hope my toes curl too.
But, I don't think that they ever have.

I must be missing something.
Maybe I am doing something wrong?

Why was my sip of Sweet Tea gone missing?
I wonder.
And I worry.

Help

I want to sit on a beach and read books.
I want to sit on a beach and drink salt dogs.
I want to sit on a beach and watch women in tiny bikinis walk by.
I want to sit on a beach and eat sushi.
I want to sit on a beach and nap.
I want such simple things.

Back rubs.
Feet rubs.
Cold drinks.
Warm hands.
Passionate kisses.
Toe curling sex.

I would settle for a salty dog.

Doing good

Going to get drunk tonight
FUCKING SMASHED

Sometimes I want to kill people because of my job
So I get drunk instead

Maybe it will be better then

goddamnmotherfuckingassholepieceofshitcocksuckingwhore.

I had to get that out.
I normally don't curse.
It just isn't part of me.

I am tired on the inside and I look tired on the outside.

I need more than rest.

I need time alone.
In the woods.
With a book to read